Miami, Fla. - Warning: this is the first and ONLY time I've ever sent boba back. The Lan Pan-Asian Cafe Web site claims that the restaurant has gotten good reviews from several prominent newspapers. Maybe they were reviewing the food, not the boba. WE SHALL SEE. To be fair, though, the site does include some interesting tidbits about the origins of boba - first served at tea stands in front of Taiwanese schoolhouses. Well, allegedly. I don't know if I can trust a place that tries to serve me lemon cleaner disguised as lemon milk tea.
BOBA BRIEFING
Name: Lan Pan-Asian Cafe
Address: 8332 South Dixie Hwy. Miami, FL 33143
Phone: (305) 661-8141
Date visited: Saturday, Aug. 4, 2007
Goes by: Bubble tea
Price: $3.50
Form: Tea, blended fruit smoothies, milk tea
Flavors: TEAS: original milk tea, Thai iced tea, jasmine tea, green tea, taro, almond, Thai coffee, green tea latte. FRUIT SMOOTHIES: mango, strawberry-banana, strawberry, coconut, passion fruit, orange, apple, lychee, kiwi, pineapple, pina colada, cantaloupe, avocado, mixed berry, banana. MILK TEAS: black cherry, raspberry, strawberry, white/dark chocolate, mango, peach, lemon, orange, caramel
Hot/cold: Cold
Flavors tried: Lemon milk tea, original (black) milk tea, raspberry milk tea
Lid style: Hard plastic that comes with the straw hole already punched for you
Smiles: Well, I was smiling when I first walked in.
Scowls: Okay. First of all, the lemon milk tea (or "lemon milk tea"). Man, I'm so upset I can't even type in complete sentences. Don't order it. DON'T! It comes looking all innocuous - a pretty pale yellow, almost the color of banana cream pie. You just want to pat it on the head. Figures something so cute would be so lethal! After all, don't blowfish look like they're smiling until they KILL YOU?
Okay, but seriously. The lemon milk tea tastes like how you'd imagine lemon cleaner would taste. No trace of tea flavor, just really strong lemon...something. Lemon Fresh Pine-Sol, maybe? A big Strike One. I ended up sending it back for regular black milk tea, which was less repulsive. In all fairness, the black milk tea wasn't terrible. A little too fruity for my liking, but not bad. The raspberry milk tea wasn't gag-worthy either, but definitely too syrupy-sweet. Regardless of tea flavor, though, the tapioca was a little mushy. It could use some firming up. Strike Two.
Furthermore, I'm never in favor of putting ice in boba. Why? If you drink boba like a pro, you finish the tapioca and the tea at the same time. Ice messes with this proportion, and dilutes the tea flavor when you get near the end. Strike Three.
Most memorable bo-ment: Strolling around Bed Bath & Beyond afterwards, with boba and AAJA buddy Kristi Hsu, who kindly humored me and my boba obssession, and later endured a cab ride with World's Shadiest Cab Driver (WSCD) to get home. Thanks Kristi!
Overall rating: 5/10
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