Bad news boba

The good news is the sandwich place I go to near work started serving boba. The bad news is it's not good. The good news is they also started serving bibimbap (it's a deli owned by a Korean couple). The bad news is the boba still sucks.

I give up on boba in D.C. It's just hopeless. I wish Half & Half would come here. And, as long as I'm wishing for things that'll never happen, I also wish In-n-Out would come here.

This is what bad boba looks like.

McBoba

I missed this exciting news when it came out last summer: McDonald's in Germany and Thailand are now serving boba, and it's being branded as the "McBubble." Personally, I think the "McBoba" has a better ring to it, but what do I know? I've just been the world's foremost expert on boba since 2007 -- which, as my two loyal readers know, is the year I started this blog.

I wonder if McDonald's in the United States will ever do this. I can't say I'm dying to try what I assume is a bastardized version of my favorite non-alcoholic beverage. But it would give boba some nice mainstream attention.

By the way, Google tried to correct my search of "McBubble" to "McDouble." No, fool, I meant McBubble. But that rhyme has the potential to make a great rap song, no? Or a fun jingle for McDonald's at the very least.

Thanks to a co-worker for tipping me off to this story. Co-worker shall remain nameless, lest I embarrass them by linking their name to my boba rants.

Boba nostalgia

Some reassuring boba news out of Southern California: in 2012, nearly three times as many boba joints opened than closed in San Gabriel Valley, according to LA Weekly.

"[This] once again proves that the tapioca ceiling hasn't yet been hit. What the malt shoppe was to American teens in the 1950's, the teahouse/boba shop is to Asian American teens in this millennium."

This not only intensifies my nostalgia for San Gabriel Valley and its endless boba options, but makes me wonder if I should seriously consider getting into the boba business here in D.C. I'm telling you, the competition would be nonexistent. The last time I had boba nearby, it was at Song Que, a Vietnamese deli in Eden Center -- which is great for Vietnamese food, but not great at all for boba. Which makes sense, since good boba is always at teahouses operated by Taiwanese people and not at Vietnamese, Thai or other Asian restaurants that co-opt boba into their menus but never get it quite right.

Milk tea at Song Que - not terrible, but not in the same league as teahouses in the Bay Area and Southern California

District of Boba

Rockville, MD - I've officially lived in DC for eight days, seven of which I spent thinking about Chinese food. Today, I finally did something about it and hopped on the red line to suburbia to check out A&J. Here's what happened:

• Got asked if I work at Whole Foods. (No. Minus 1.)
• Found good, cheap authentic Chinese food within a 15-mile radius of my apartment. (YES. Plus 10.)
• Found acceptable boba. (Eh, it wasn't awful. Plus 5.)
• Serendipitously passed a Petco on the way back to the metro. Because Petcos are hard to come by the city, this also gets +10. The kitty Patty gets a new scratching post while we wait for her old one to make its way from a moving truck in LA. Patty might give this +45.

Back to the boba. To be clear, the boba at A&J definitely doesn't make my Top 3 best boba of all time list (which, btw, I still stand by, three years later). But it's decent, reasonably priced at $2.55 and the tapioca is prepared with some degree of expertise. I give it a C+ overall.

And as an added bonus, no one wants to sit by the girl on the metro who's clutching a scratching post with one hand and a cup of boba with the other. Personal space is priceless. + infinity.

I lost track of the math, but to sum it up, it was a positive day. I kind of like D.C. Well, let's not get carried away. D.C is all right. Could be worse.

100% bomb

Rowland Heights - Until recently, Half & Half was like an urban legend - much talked about, yet never reviewed by the self-anointed Boba Queen. I remedied this a couple weekends ago while showing a college buddy around LA. And let me tell you, Half & Half is as good as they say. Their specialty, iced milk with honey boba, is a twist on standard milk tea and it is BOMB. Frothy and pleasantly sweet.

But I'm not going to lie. The best part about it was the cup. It's shorter and stouter than most boba cups. Kind of like the Danny DeVito of boba.

B boba

Los Feliz, Los Angeles - For months, I've relied on my go-to boba provider, Ten Ren in Chinatown, anytime I was too lazy to drive to San Gabriel Valley (where all the really good stuff is). But, as I've learned recently, it's always good to have a back-up plan. Especially one that's closer to your house.

Enter China Express on Hillhurst and Franklin. I've generally avoided this place because (1) It's called China Express, and (2) The words "China Express" are written in that stupid font everyone uses to signify that something is Asian.

But their boba is surprisingly decent, especially for being in a neighborhood that's not known for having Asian things. The milk tea is a solid B, though a bit on the sweet side. But considering I used to spoon up condensed milk as a kid, I didn't mind. And when I say "kid," I mean last week.

Almond blechhhhhhhh

Chinatown, Los Angeles - At the behest of a co-worker who, like me, is not normally fond of almond milk tea, I braved the 5 p.m. downtown traffic, only to get some concoction that falls somewhere between diluted almond extract (barf) and almond tofu i.e. xingren doufu (yum, but not in liquid form. In liquid form, it's barf.). My, that was a long sentence.

I don't know why I thought it'd be okay. I actually don't like almonds at all.